I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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