Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
