At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
