I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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