I just made out with a guy for $7.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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