And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
