Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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