She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
