last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
