the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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