His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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