I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
