i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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