please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
