Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
