its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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