Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
