So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
