its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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