a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
