? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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