Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
