Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
