just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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