We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
