u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
