he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
