During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I need moral support for this bender
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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