he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Drunk is a universal language darling
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