Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
