Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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