She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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