I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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