You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
