What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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