do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
