If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
