Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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