bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You need a sexual gate keeper
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
