Are we in a gay sports bar?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
