Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
