so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
sarcasm needs its own font
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
