I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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