I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
