i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
