it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
