There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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