sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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