where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
