end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
