I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
