Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize