Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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