Quick, to the slutcave!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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