i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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