I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
