why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
