i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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