1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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