Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
