I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
