You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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