you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I party with great urgency now.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
