its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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