i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
