in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
