Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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