Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
