Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
