He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
They are going to name an STD after you.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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