just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
