She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
