tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
