just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
