Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
