her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
