Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
