ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
