I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
