i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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