My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
