I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
