I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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