Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize