That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
