Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
