my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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