um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
