apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
