woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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