Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
