Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
