for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
