do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
