I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
