Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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