I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
PANTIES FOUND
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