remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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