Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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