I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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